so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
