My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
