so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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