I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
