im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What a dumb baby whore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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