im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
