Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I could fuck to npr.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
