So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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