I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
