I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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