I love black thongs
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
