Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
