he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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