She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
