So drunk its hurt
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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