He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
