ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
