you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
