piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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