I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
