if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize