I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
