Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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