I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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