New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
