Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
