tell your sister to shave her snatch
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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