a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
