Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
