So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
