ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
