I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
