I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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