Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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