checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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