She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
