first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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