I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
