I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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