tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
