I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
