no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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