Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
