the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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