when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
