I'm really into asian looking animals
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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