Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
