Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
