What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
