I think I died a long time ago.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
