When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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