I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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