no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
