I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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