Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
