I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
