what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
