I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize