That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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