TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
