nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Umm I'm too high to move.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I understand Curling. That high.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
