Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
