I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
