I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
