I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Couch. On fire.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
