Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
