Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
