Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
