I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
