That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
