You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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