Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize