So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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