At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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