True but thats because hes a fetus.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
