just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
