dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize