We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
