She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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