I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
