i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
