I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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