he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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