Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
