connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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