did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
